Tuesday, May 31, 2011

back to december -by ela-

sumpah gue nangis woy baca ini-_-


Back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while

I’ve been alone for along time. I had no one to talk with or be together. It was like the whole world had shunned me. I knew why, I always knew. I really regretted it. My life was like hell, and I accepted it. I deserved it because the way I treated her.

I sighed and stood up. I grabbed my jacket and combed my hair. I’m going to meet her today.

I drove my car to the café we used to go together. I got out from my car and glanced nervously to the café’s window. There she was, drinking her coffee without her eyes from her Blackberry. I walked towards the café and approached her.

“Hallo, Jacob. Long time no see,” she said flatly when I stood next to her. Her tone felt like a knife stabbed to my heart. I cleared my throat.

“Hello, Silvia. Good to see you,” I said and took a seat in front of her. As I sat, she put her Blackberry and looked to me eyes. God, I couldn’t stand her beautiful green eyes.

“I see that your business is fine,” I tried to make conversation.

“Yeah, well, many wealthy families bought my paintings. I never like them though,” she answered.

“And how’s your family? It’s been-“I stopped before I could talk about it. I noticed that she sensed it and quickly she changed the subject.

“So, what is it you want to talk about?” she said slowly.

You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work, and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

“I… I want to… I want to say sorry,” I said. She just stared at me blankly. “I’m sorry Via,” I said.

She didn’t say a word. I felt distraught. If she yell or scream or maybe hit me with the porcelain cup, I felt more comfortable. She kept staring at me and I could see deep sadness in her eyes. It really hurt. The thing really hurt me the most is, I’m the one who made her sad.

“Via, say something,” I pleaded.

“What should I say?” she answered.

“Anything you want. Scream it if you want,” I said.

I saw her eyes started to fill with tears. The memory flashed to my mind, as it always happened.


Because the last time you saw me
It still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die 


It was December night, a week before New Year. I entered the American restaurant A&W and sat with my girl, Julie. She smiled at and kissed my cheek. I felt a bit weird when she did that, but I ignored it. I fed her a spoon of ice cream. Suddenly, someone showered me with a glass of rootbeer. When I looked up, I saw Silvia’s furious face glaring at me.

“Via-“I started but she slapped me.

“How dare you cheat on me, you heartless bastard!” she shouted. Peoples started to stare at us.

“Via, I could explain-“

“How many more girls do you have, huh? Three? Four?”

“No, I-“

“You know what, I don’t need you! I want to break up!” she said with a final tone. She ran out from the café, but I managed to stop her.

“Via, please don’t end our relationship. I’m sorry, it’s just-“

“Let go off me!” she screamed and yanked my hand. She glared at me.

“I don’t want you to come to me and talk to me! Don’t you dare to show your face to me! I’m done with you!” she spat and ran to her car.

(end of flashback)

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you
Saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

Slowly with trembling hands, I embraced her and let her laid her honey-brown head on my shoulder. She sobbed against my chest and I felt really sorry for her. I stroked her hair gently and kissed her forehead.

It turns out freedom 
ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time

“Jack, I-“

“It’s okay if you don’t want to forgive me. But just don’t leave me. Don’t you run away from me. You could scream at me, shun me, hit me or even kill me, but don’t you ever leave me. You don’t know how it tortures me,” I said to her ears. It was a request, not an order.

“You hurt me so deep, Jack. Part of me wants to forgive you, part of me wants to kill you,” she whispered. I could feel my tears wet with her tears.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When you birthday passed
And I didn't call 

“I miss you so much, Via. I really want to call you, but I don’t have the guts to do that. I spent two day to decide whether I should call you or not when it was your birthday. A coward I am.”

She just stayed silent and played with my collar. She was thinking, I knew. I remembered that gesture every time she was deep in thought. She pulled apart and sat straight. I watched how the sunlight enlighten her beautiful face and her blonde hair framed her face perfectly.

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times 

I watched you laughing 

From the passenger side 

And I realized I loved you in the fall 

The memory flashed into my mind when we spent summer together. We went to the beach and I watched her playing with the sand. I lifted her from the ground and threw her gently to the water. I really loved the moment when both of us slept on the beach, watching the sky and named every star we knew.

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love
And all I gave you was goodbye

Unfortunately, the memory when I hurt her also came into my mind. I broke up with Julie as soon as Silvia ran to her car and left me. I never dated any girls since then. I had closed myself from everyone for years. She never knew that, and she didn’t need to know.


I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms
That September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Jacob never knew how hurt I am when he cheated on me. There were times when all I could do is crying and crying. I really missed him, everything in him. I missed his beautiful smile and his brown hair. Everything we had together is the best memory I had.


“Via, I understand you need time to think about forgiving me. Just don’t leave me, okay?” he said with smile.

He kissed my cheek and stood up. He walked towards the door and stopped to wave at me. He stuck out his tongue and I chuckled. I waved back at him and looked away. Suddenly, I heard a loud horn and a horrible bang. Screaming voices rang on my ears. I turned around in a slow motion and found Jacob lying on the ground, blood surrounding his brown hair.

I ran out from the café towards him. I felt tears falling from my eyes as I pushed people aside. As I approached him, quickly knelt on the ground and put his head on my lap. I saw blood dripping from his mouth and my skirt stained with his blood. His eyes closed and he was breathing shortly. I could feel his pulse fainting.

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right

“No… Jacob, don’t leave me!” I started to cry. He opened his eyes and smiled weakly.

“I’m so glad to see you in my last minute of living, Silvia,” he whispered softly. I heard people started to call for help.

“You’re not going to die, Jack! People are going to help you. Please, don’t leave me. I’m not letting you go now,” I sobbed. He stroked my cheek and I almost flinched when I felt his hand as cold as an ice.

“Oh, I never leave you Via. I’m always with you in your heart,” he said as tears falling from his own eyes. He touched the my chest, where my heart beating madly.

“Please Jack… Don’t talk like this... Stop… Don’t say goodbyes... You’re going to live…” I whispered.

“I’ll be the sunshine on your hair, I’ll be the whisper in the wind…”

“Jack, please stop… I can’t give you up now…” I said held his head tightly, as if it would prevent him from dead.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand 

“Via my dear, please don’t worry about me. I’m going to be just fine. I’ll be in your dreams. I’ll be the beat of your heart, the moonlight shining down. I’ll be with you until the end, my love. I never regret everything I had with you. The only thing I regret is hurting you,” he said. I leaned and kissed him.

“Please, I can’t leave without you…” I whispered. He stroked my cheek again.

“Let me go, Via and I promise I’ll always be with you. I’ll never give you up… Never…” he whispered faintly. Then, his eyes closed and his hand fell to the ground.

“Jack, wake up… Oh no, don’t you leave me… Wake up Jack!” I screamed. I shook him roughly, hoping that he’ll wake up and said that he was just kidding.

But, no, he is dead. He would never wake up again. I had waste five years for thinking. If I could go back in time, I would say yes on the café already. And this would never happen. Maybe, I said yes, I could be with him and filled our last days together. He would smile for me and cheered me up. I’ll do that all the time until death separated us. I stroked his brown hair and kissed him.

“I will always love you till the end, my morning sunshine…” I whispered to his ears.

All the time...


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